Are You A Blame Shifter or Peace Maker?

Two Speeds

As usual, I was in a rush. I seem to have 2 speeds: asleep and hurry.

I was late getting home, and in my flurry to get out of the garage and into the house, I shoved open my car door with too much enthusiasm and it clunked into the lawn mower with a thud. 

Dang it! That’s gonna leave a mark,” I hissed.  Sure enough, I was horrified to find a looooong, angry, black mark scarring the car door. DOUBLE CRUD! How am I going to explain this to Mr. 4-Ever?  

I have already wrecked this car twice. Every time I say to my man, “Honey, I need to talk to you,” he jokingly responds, “Robyn, did you wreck the car again?”

Shifting the blame. 

Embarrassed and agitated, I started creating scenarios in my mind to make my carelessness someone else’s fault. If I didn’t have to run every single errand, I wouldn’t even have been in the car today. I live with packrats! This garage has too much junk in it! No wonder I don’t have enough room to open my car door all the way. Why can’t that lawn mower get stored someplace else!?! Wahh! Whaa! Whahah! 

Do you do that? Do something foolish … say something ugly … get caught in the act …  and then deflect responsibility or accuse someone else so it’s not your fault? Ugh! That is exactly how the accuser of our soul wants us to react because that creates friction which breaks relationships apart.

He started in the garden when he said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”, and he’s been doing it ever since. (emphasis mine)

Owning up to it. 

There was no getting around it, I’d just have to fess up. This time I had to tell my man I’d dented the car and I wasn’t even driving! Seems there is no end to the number of creative ways I damage my vehicle!

“I need to talk to you,” I said as I came into the house. Predictably, he teased, “Robyn, did you wreck the car again?” Trying to keep it light, I said, “Well, wreck might be too strong a word, but I did redesign it a bit.”

His face froze, and before I could I had the courage to say another word, he turned on his heel and went to the garage to inspect the damage. 

He was gone for a while, but when he came back in the house, he said, “Honey, I’m sorry I left the mower so close to where you park your car. I should have made sure it wasn’t in your way.”

WHAAAAT? He’s amazing! Relief flooded over me. “I’m so sorry. I’ll be more careful in the future.”

Disarming situations.

Without  excuses or accusations, a potentially volatile situation was disarmed. Owning up, taking responsibility, offering a gentle response is often all it takes to defuse, calm, and resolve an ugly situation or keep an angry situation from escalating.

What has worked for you? How do you respond to ugly news? With accusations? Or with a gentle response?

Leave me a comment and tell me what works for you.

Scripture refresher: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”  Proverbs 15:1, NIV

Prayer: Father, let me be a quick learner of this lesson and not be a sharp responder. Teach me to take responsibility, extend gentleness and not a harsh rebuke.  Amen.


  1. Debra Seaver on August 26, 2019 at 12:04 am

    Robyn. I love reading your post because you are a “Real” woman that’s visible with true life situations. You always bring out what Satan intended for bad that God shows us a good and better way to choose. Thank you for living a life for Jesus. Much love and prayers

    • Robyn Dykstra on August 26, 2019 at 12:37 pm

      Hey Debra. I appreciate you! Thanks for taking the time to encouragment me!

  2. Tonia Thibodeaux on August 26, 2019 at 1:59 am

    Hi Robyn, thanks for the positive posts! I always react with a laid back response, God tells us to treat others as we want to be treated, not to mention I’m not perfect and I mess up pretty often myself lol
    Hopefully one day everyone else realizes they are not perfect also, would be a better world, wouldn’t it?? Lol

    • Robyn Dykstra on August 26, 2019 at 12:39 pm

      Tonia, I am waiting for that day with you.
      Thanks for writing.

  3. Linda Harlan on August 26, 2019 at 4:15 am

    Hi Robyn! This is me! My first reaction would be to blame someone else for my carelessness. Then I might calm down and think no I did this but still in my mind I’m blaming my husband. Even if he didn’t do anything! I don’t like that in me. Thanks for your story and honesty!!

    • Robyn Dykstra on August 26, 2019 at 12:39 pm

      Glad to know I’m not alone!!!
      Thanks for writing.

  4. Celeste Lee on August 26, 2019 at 12:47 pm

    I can’t with you!!! Why do you always touch my soul with you real life examples??? I have to alway fix myself! Thank you for your words and the words of God.

    • Robyn Dykstra on August 26, 2019 at 12:50 pm

      You and me, Girl. Works in progress. 🙂

  5. Sarah Hartmann on August 27, 2019 at 2:15 am

    Robyn, The verse that you ended your story with (Proverbs 15:1) has been very convicting to me lately and seems to be showing up a lot in my life. I unfortunately have a tendency to get angry quite quickly and a lot of times it’s over little stuff. I cool down quickly as well but I really feel like the Lord is trying to tell me that I really need to meditate on Proverbs 15:1 and work on it. I can not keep my cool on my own, I have tried many times and failed. Only God can fix this. Thank you for sharing your story with us and reminding us that God is not finished with us yet and he can do awesome, amazing things!

    • Robyn Dykstra on August 27, 2019 at 3:14 am

      Thank you for sharing so honestly. I pray that the root of your anger is revealed so you can get the peace you desire. 🙂
      Blessings to you.

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