Have you forgiven yourself?

After an event where I was speaking, Elisa approached me with a simple request for prayer to feel God’s love again.

She had gotten into something she wasn’t proud of, and her shame was heavy.

I asked if she’d confessed this issue of ugliness to God. She had, but the shame remained and the temptation to return to her junk was strong.

We prayed for her to experience the love of God. When we finished praying, I asked how she felt.

“I have peace,” she replied.

“Peace is good, but you didn’t come for peace,” I reminded her. “You came to feel the love of God, to be free of the shame and truly know God loves you, right?”

She nodded weakly.

“Elisa, I think you know God loves and God forgives, but you don’t believe you are eligible for it anymore.

You believe God loves and forgives others, but you think your sin is too big to forgive.

Even if God forgave you, you can’t forgive yourself. Does that sound accurate?”


Her lip began to quiver as she slowly nodded.


3 Powerful Words

“Elisa, I want you to tell me and tell God that you forgive yourself. I want you to say, ‘I forgive myself.’”

She stared at me, and fear and disbelief washed over her face. Her mouth opened, but the words wouldn’t come out.

After what seemed like an hour but was probably just a few minutes of agonizing silence, I took her hands in mine.

“This is the fork in the road, sweet thing. You have to make your stand right now or you’ll be back here next week or next month or next year carrying an even heavier load of shame.”

After an eternity of us just staring at each other, she whispered, “I forgive myself.”

I paused, and then I softly said, “I don’t believe you. You’ll have to tell me again.”

Elisa blinked, then just a little louder, she said, “I forgive myself.”

“Tell me again like you mean it, Elisa.”

“I forgive myself,” she said with more conviction.

“Once more, and make me believe it.”

“I forgive myself,” she said boldly.

“I believe you,” I said as I hugged her.

I felt her body relax.

“I’m very proud of you, Elisa,” I whispered in her ear.

“Your Father in heaven is so pleased with you. And if your mama were here, she would be really proud of you too.”

The sobs poured out. Relief entered in, displacing the fear and shame.


Remember them no more

Friend, there is always a way out.

Confess that sin; it’s old news to God anyway.

Repent of that thing that has you all bound up.

And then look in the mirror and forgive that person—because God has forgiven you, and he doesn’t hold it against you.

He doesn’t even remember it! So it’s time for you not to remember it or hold it against yourself anymore either.


Forgive yourself, and watch the door of your prison cage swing open.



“This is what the Lord says . . . ‘I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.'”

—Isaiah 43:16, 25


Lord God, I come to you and ask that you relieve me of the guilt and shame and heaviness of this burden. I confess that I have done [fill in the blank] and I don’t want to do that anymore. Forgive me and restore my life. In Jesus’ name, amen. 


  1. Melissa on August 6, 2023 at 10:37 am

    Please help me. I lost my job for the first time in my life and it was my identity

    • Robyn Dykstra on August 7, 2023 at 6:49 pm

      That is so hard. Praying now. “Jesus, thank You that You see us on the most difficult of days and never leave us or forsake us. Would You wrap Your strong arms around Melissa and show her Your steadfast, unmoving, always good love? Help her turn her eyes to You as the Source of all that she is. You are always enough…even when it doesn’t feel like it. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

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