3 Ways to Survive Togetherness Overload


Togetherness Overload

Mr 4-Ever and I have been locked up together for months and I was experiencing TOGETHERNESS OVERLOAD!

If your marriage has deteriorated into ho-hum, wouldn’t you like to take the dog for ANOTHER walk, Honey, …  take a lesson from my marriage playbook to rekindle the flame of love and appreciation for your man.

1. Let him know you’re committed to him. Not just the marriage, to him!

It’s not enough to just avoid divorce. Marriage isn’t 50-50. Divorce is 50-50. Marriage takes an ALL IN, ALL THE TIME commitment.

I had to take wife lessons from the most unusual place to learn this.

If your man came home and told you he was willing to stay married to you,  but he didn’t feel any commitment, desire or attachment to you, how would you feel?

Oh, he’ll pay the mortgage and go to the Christmas parties, but he’s only in it for appearances and the kids.  With you, he’s done. Ugh.

Be committed to your man, not just to the marriage.

2. Affirm him.

Remember when you were dating?  You couldn’t take your eyes off of him. Laughed at all his jokes.  Told everyone – (including your mother and best friend) about all his great qualities. You were fun and you had fun together.

He thought you were going to be like that after you got married, too.

The most important person in your husband’s life is YOU! You have the potential to undermine him or empower him by how you show love to him.

Figure out how to tell him, You rock my world and I’d be lost without you!Then do those things!

  • Speak kindly to him.
  • Speak well of him to others.
  • Smile at him every time you see him.
  • Look at him when he talks to you.
  • Pray for him.
  • Iron a shirt.
  • Scratch his back.
  • Watch his team win (or lose).
  • Solicit his advice.
  • Watching admiringly as he lifts a heavy object.
  • Compliment his prowess with something that baffles you.
  • Praise his work.
  • Applaud his parenting skills.
  • Buy him a gift.
  • Kiss him like you mean it.

Affirm him.

3. Remember he has your best interest at heart. 

It’s highly unlikely that your husband stays up at night plotting ways to make you miserable.

If you base your expectations of marriage on what you read in magazines and romance novels, your man will fail you often.

Your man can’t read your mind. Men aren’t very good at picking up hints either.

Generally speaking, what you focus on grows. Think back to the things that made you want to marry him. Make a list of all his great qualities as a husband, father, worker/provider, friend, etc. Dwell on those things about him and believe he has your best interest at heart.

What you focus on grows.

Marriage is hard work, but you can survive togetherness overload for you and your husband by being the best wife you can be instead of focusing on what’s wrong with your marriage and your man.

Let me know how it’s going! I’d love to hear what works for you.

Verse for today: Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.  Colossians 3:12-14 NIV

Prayer: God, help to see what I need to do to be the best wife for my husband.  Remind me to show my husband how dear he is to me.


  1. Linda Laufenberg on September 7, 2020 at 1:57 am

    My husband and I renewed our marriage vows in August on our fiftieth anniversary. God is good!

  2. Jeanie Monk on September 7, 2020 at 5:39 pm

    Good advice but I wish I had received this 30 years ago. We ended up divorced but if I had done some things differently, we probably would never have gone through with a divorce. However, we did but we also remarried last year (27 years later) but because of all the water under the bridge it just isn’t the same.

  3. Kathy on September 8, 2020 at 2:54 pm

    When I read this it hurt my heart more then what it was meant to do. I went through a divorce after seven years and two children. Then after afew years I remarried and after 20 years he passed away. My feeling is I never was tired of being with my spouse. I loved being with him. Not sure if he tired of me but my I loved being married and still am aching with emptiness and loneliness. I would give anything to be married. I say you all should be so thankful you have each other. How said that you can’t wait to be apart. I pray that you all really enjoy your time together and cherish every day, hour,minute,second. You can be left alone anytime, and you never know when.
    Aching Heart,

  4. Karol Crow on September 11, 2020 at 1:50 am

    We’ve kinda gotten past most of the petty stuff, though sometimes it’s still hard. We are celebrating our daughter’s birthday with family out of town which we both needed. Monday marks 47 years since we said “I do”! Good advice Robyn. We didn’t get to 47 years any other way.

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